~Final Thoughts~

I am choking on the smoke

Scrambling for a taste of oxygen

Flames flash terror in my eyes

Trying to see through the darkened wall

In wake of losing myself

I set the world ablaze

Hiding within the smoke

I wanted to push you away

But here I stand, scared and alone

Frantically trying to get to you

What I knew I needed all along

Self-destruction claims again

Trapped with no way out

The smoke draws the final breath of air

A final thought, a final try

Why didn't I let you in?

You were there all along

Fighting the rage, trying to get to me

Bigger flames couldn't keep you out

Battling the firewall with heart and love

Self-sacrificing to fight for me

Through my stubborn ways and will

Now it seems I've gone too far

It's not fair, I know

I'm sorry, I never wanted you to hurt

But selfishly I locked you out

I see it now through thickening debris

Cloudy air offers a settling glimpse

Such love is clear in your eyes

How could I be so blind?

A final thought, a final try

Why didn't I let you in?

~Change~

The same rushing water thunders through the trees

A brilliant orange fills the sky with the tiring sun

A scene so familiar, yet so much has changed

One year ago I sat with a paper and a pen

Writing words of emotions foreign and new

Proclaiming freedom so full of hope

But that was then and I have learned change

Feeling lost in a constantly spinning world

Drowning in an ever-rising ocean

Losing my way, I cannot breathe

How did one year get so far away?

I long for those feelings again

Reading with hope of restoration

But for now I am empty and alone